May

I noticed that its been getting warmer over the past few days especially in the afternoons. I like sunny weathers. It lightens up my mood.

The latest news requiring my unit was that there would be a change of management but we would stay where we are, doing the same things as before. This implies that I would still be on 8-6, getting to stay out. This is certainly good news for us. No one likes to stay in if given a choice.

Life has been stale recently. Some of my friends are busy with their examinations while the others with their personal life. As for me, I am still serving my army, driving even more regularly then i would preferred. I am aiming to get my 7000km mileage as soon as possible. My tuition slots have been more packed recently due to the start of the Mid-Year Examinations. On some days after work, I would go straight for tuition before returning home in the night. This certainly has made my days more busy but i realised there is still plenty of free time for me to spend. Most of the time, I had to spend it alone as i couldn't find any company.

Despite the fact that i do meet up with my friends on a regular basis, I am not feeling very happy. No doubt, i enjoy their company, with the chance to be myself and have fun, updating each other about our life. However, once the outing ended, the happiness gradually diminishes and i am back to my lonely self.

Perhaps during the secondary school days, we get to meet each other everyday, so much so that it has become part of life. As the secondary school days ended and each of us proceed to higher studies, we meet new friends and due to a clash of times, there were fewer opportunities to meet up. Having said that, I still find my secondary school friends much more closer than my poly ones. I noticed that we used to quarrel and argue much over things in the past. But when it come to now, I find that everyone is just enjoying themselves when there is a outing.

If I have to talk about myself, I have a small family. With me being the only child and my parents having quite a bit of age now, we don't really speak to each other much perhaps due to the generation gap. Unlike many families, I do not have any family day and I seldom get to meet up with my relatives. Whenever I have problems, I could only share with my friends. So much so that, it becomes frustrating, perhaps the fact that i don't even have any family support. Whenever I am free at home, there is nothing for me to do. I do not play or own computer or console games. In short, I just have nothing to do. So much so , that I have to get of out of my home. Sometimes, aimlessly walking around the streets or go for running. I can only do it alone. Everything.

I just hope to be busy, with things to do. Yet, i am constantly searching for it. I don't feel loved or cared. Its not a good feeling.

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The One You Love

I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do
I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?
When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over?
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?
Your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

April

Its time for my monthly update of this blog. This could probably be the last month that i will get to stay out as my current unit will be undergoing some restructuring. After so many months of staying out, the thoughts of booking out Fridays and booking in on Sundays doesn't seem very appealing to me. But, there is no choice, since I am stucked with the army till next year. Did i mention that i just taken up tuition?

Currently, i am teaching a primary school kid tuition. So, hopefully the restructuring would not affect too much on my schedules. This is the first time i am teaching tuition actually. I find it rather interesting. My student is quite cute, always asking me to read stories for her. Telling me what she does, her dreams and wishes.

It makes me think about my childhood days, where everything is so pure and innocent. I find that kids now are much more fortunate than those of my times. When I was young, I never had tuition and it would be my mum spending time giving me practices and revisions to prepare for my tests and exams. As i grow older, I would spend my own time revising on my subjects. But now, parents would afford getting tuition for kids are very young ages like Primary 1 or even in the kinder garden stage. They are so much more lucky.

Although i am not earning much through this extra job, but it makes my life more meaningful. Its more about achievement and satisfaction. I am happy that she did rather well for her CA1, which i spent some long hours teaching her the subjects. I hope, I can help her do better for her later examinations too!

The past few weeks have been rather packed for me. Besides army, I managed to meet up with my friends. We had a dinner with Jonny before he left for his national service. Though I must say I do not find it a wise decision to spend 3 years of my life to serve my NS. Yet, I respect him for his faith towards his religion. I hope we will meet up again after 3 years and i wish him all the best.

On the coming Monday, I will be going to Tekong again. Its been a long time since i step back to that island. This time, i will be sending 2 guys from my unit for BMT recourse. Reminiscence of my BMTC days..

One Year Soldier

I remembered the day where i first step foot onto Pulau Tekong, pledging loyalty to serve the nation, having my head shaved and sleeping in a bunk full of strangers.

In a matter of days, those memories would be reaching a one year span. O R and D are three very significant alphabets in every NSF's heart. It signify the end of a two year full time serving bond with the nation's forces. Despite reaching the halfway mark, it would be silly for me to dream about ORDing for one year is still a long way to go.

Though my current vocation can be classified as slack by many people, i too have spend my army times staying in, booking out on Fridays or Saturday nights. I can understand how important the few days of free time are to many of the NSFs staying in.

For once, i have this friend who have to serve a sentence for being unable to serve NS. Though my cliques of friends may not be considered as close to him, deep down, i would still wish to have a small meet up as it would be a long time before we will get to see him again. Yet, the chances of happening is bleak. For i suppose it is quite difficult to get everyone down to meet. At the same time, i am very disappointed with some people who just can't be bothered. This is understandable though, for the closeness is not there in the first place. Yet, it's just quite disappointing. Can we not just give some of our time to spend with him? Most guys go through army, i know weekends are important, but can't we just spare one for him?

For people who are not serving army, saying : "Nope. I can't. " would be a Fucker i must say. Just can't stand it.

Sad that this kind of people exist in my clique. As much as i understand why, ( there are more important things for me to do) i just think you are really a disappointment.

Goals

Went for a run just now in the late evenings. As usual, i took the same route and happened to saw a fellow driver who was booking in. Looks like the new batch of drivers will be coming back soon, perhaps by the end of the month. Which means lesser duties?

As i ran further up, I saw my former primary school which has now become a site for some private institution. It still the same old school; the one i spend six happy years studying. As i look up, i saw the slope approaching. With all my body could endure, i sped up, trying my best to overcome that imminent obstacle. Step by step, i saw myself getting closer to the goal. As i make a final dash, i ran past that finishing line and looked at my watch. 20minutes. I guess, that average. Hopefully, my timing will improve as i embark on my goal to become fitter again.

Various thoughts were going through me as i started running.There were thoughts of personal achievements, mentally, physically and emotionally.

I pretty much decided to start exercising again. I want to get fitter with a more toned body. Hopefully, i can keep to my goal and in three months time, there will be visible differences. My current vocation does not allows much time for exercising. Thus, in order to make sure i can kick start my goal, i shall start with daily walking. Taking brisk walks around the neighbourhood after dinner, going out for runs should i have a less packed detail on the next day.

Perhaps the news of one of my bro getting attached has got my thinking about bgr again. I am really happy for him and somehow surprised at the sudden outbreak of this news. But then again, I have faith in him for he is a nice guy who has a brain to match too. As for the girl, my first impression of her was quite good and i actually find the two of them compatible! So, looks like i have pretty good judgment huh! haha.

Perhaps people who read my blog will most probably know that there is someone special in my heart. Its been some time, perhaps a long time. So much so that now i only wish for her to be happy. Sometimes, i so much wish that it will be me who can make her happy. It kinda complicated i guess. Perhaps, it caring for a someone you like, but this kind of care does not translate into a boy-girl-relationship thing. Maybe its like caring for a friend you like but you cannot be with. Happiness maybe easy to write but its not something easy to possess.

Its tough when one knows that the someone special has so many problems to face, yet he couldn't do anything for her. What i should do is not thinking too much or over-think. Its pretty confusing i guess.

These days, i find myself pretty much into clothes. I am thinking of having a change in style but its not easy, for i have no idea how to start. I am thinking of getting more causal wears with simplistic designs with a little bit of formal and relaxed feel. Sounds chim? A wardrobe renovation is imminent i guess, but it will take some time. Since, money is an important factor to consider.

A new year.. a new beginning..

Two weeks had past since the clock struck 12am to signify the start of 2007. I can still remember the karaoke singings and dinner with my gang of friends on the first day of the year. It was quite a sight; ten person eating together in a restaurant, strolling around Marina Square. Seldom do we get so many people out together. It was fun with me totally leaving behind those disappointments of spending New Year Eve in camp.

So far, life has been satisfactory. Though i do get the occasional blues with having nothing to do on whenever i am free. Being the only child in my family, it gets very boring for me having no one to talk and to keep me company. haha Sometimes, i really wish i have a brother or sister.

Seriously, i have no idea what should i blog about. There's nothing really interesting going on with me now. But perhaps, i am surprised at some of the things going on around me recently. I am quite happy, but at the same time, i don't want to expect anything as i hate disappointments. I shall not go on about this further. Take things as they come.

" When life is... working and working... one always hope there would be something else.. something that makes life more meaningful... "