The Keys To My Heart ?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

December

Back to those schooling days, December had always been a month i anticipate. With the school holidays and the festive moods kicking in, there was always time to relax and have fun. However, those happy moments have become distant memories. These days, the arrival of December has become something i seriously dread. I disliked rainy days; the erratic weather has made travelling labourious.

Somehow, I wished December would end soon. Having said that, this December has been particularly unforgettable. Having been informed that I would be performing Duty on the 29th and 31th, yes New Years' Eve, I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Though i have to admit that I do not have any plans for countdown; I would gladly spend it anywhere than in camp.

The same is to be said for Christmas. Seriously, Christmas is not of much significant to me as I do not celebrate the birth of Christ. So once again, I have no plans. I feel kind of pathetic, while people are out celebrating, I will be alone with nothing to do, no one to spend the time with. I guess that's my life.

Looking back, 2006 has been a more fruitful year with some little personal achievements and valuable experiences. From someone who doesn't know about traffic lights, I become someone who has to take note of them almost everyday. Its amazing to find myself driving different people daily from one place to another when i never thought of learning it in the past.

Its been nine months since I started National Service. The times spent in Army has definitely changed me. The responsiblities I am assigned to and the opportunities to meet all sorts of people has make me learnt more about the real world. Life is never easy.

Perhaps i have become stronger mentally and physically and i guess it's good for me. Hopefully it will be a better year. Till then, its goodbye.

oh dear...

this is a terribly bad news... i have grown fat!.. couldnt believe it when i saw e weighting scale.. haix.. it has gotta be my eating habits and my 8-6 job.. i cant seem to control my diet these days.. eat whenever i can.. always eating loads of junks + dinner when i am back home after work.. no time for exercises.. its quite worrying.. eat than sleep.. sleep than work.. work than eat.. its a vicious cycle..!

Guess its time to start becoming more aware of my diets.. haix...

Nov is for 11

Juz realised i have not been updating this blog for some time... looking at e calender, its been almost one month since e last update.. i guess i shall make this a monthly thingy soon, where i'll juz update once every mth ? hmm...

I can feel it... yes.. e weather is turning cold.. once again.. christmas trees starts appearing at every shopping centres... X mas is coming..

I am getting busier in camp nowadays.. did my 1st duty on Mon and also started going out for details.. but will be taking a short break from camp starting from tmr as will be attending a two week MSET course over at SBC.. somehow, i enjoyed going back camp.. my senior drivers are a batch of nice ppl and its always fun to have them around.. guess i will be missing them a little bit..

Secondly, i realised i have been watching alot of movies recently.. almost once every week.. n most of e time its wif e same person.. haha! yea.. i met up wif Don again yesterday where we spent e evenings getting his puzzles n frames.. n e nite piecing them together.. e puzzle looks cool and it has this glow in e dark effect that makes e whole puzzle shine at nite! kinda regret getting my puzzle when i saw that.. haha.. but nevetheless.. i am still happy wif my puzzle cos its a picture showing wat i always loved to do.. but i am always doing it alone... looking at e nite skies.. searching for stars..

Thirdly, i realised i have been going Kbox quite often also.. haha.. hmm.. 2 times this mth.. even saw fred wearing a KBOX t-shirt.. well he's working at e KBOX over at cine after juz ORDing less than 2 wks.. seriously one hardworking boy..must be working hard for his future marriage.. haha...

Looks like my expenses are getting higher.. movies, singing, puzzles! but i dun really care somehow.. haiz.. i juz wanna have fun... i wasnt like that in e past..but gotta be more careful wif e spendings now..

I am so tired now.. wif e aftereffect of Sat's RT n e spending e nite over wif Don's puzzle.. Ciao`

" still waiting... "

October Skies

Well.. this is my 1st post for Oct which is coming to an end soon... Theres too much things to be said for wat had happened over this mth... i dun even know where to begin... but this has been a fun mth wif many activities wif my gang, poly frens n driver friends.. As i recalled.. i realised i have met up wif many ppl this month.. some whom i have not seen for a long time.. my pri sch mates.. secondary sch mates.. poly mates n army mates.. all of whom i have spent valuable n happy times together... they r e ppl who were there when i was growing up.. definitely ppl i will nv forget.... As for today.. i am on OFF so i decided to pay SP a visit n ended up watching DeathNote wif Don over at Vivo.. a great show i must say.. wif so many twists n turns.. ha.. am definitely watching e 2nd epidsode when it comes out..

Went Kboxing wif e bros last wk.. i love to sing.. though i am not exactly good at it.. haha.. but its a nice way to destress... juz sing your hearts out n no one cares.. i agree wif pie that it will be nice to have gals along becos we seriously cannot make it when it come to duets..

e chat wif her still lingers in my mind... didnt expect we would chat for so long... where e last time i recalled was last year.. around this period of time too... she has her future carefully visioned out.. sometimes i wonder.. does she knows about my feelings for her? or she has assumed i have "given" up on her ever since she told me wat she wanted 7 mths ago... her visions has left me disappointed... though i kinda expected it but sometimes its better to be in e dark than knowing... i nv stopped waiting for her... its not easy..but she doesnt have to know rite.. I am happy that she nv ignored me n still treat me as a fren.. i still get to tok to her n meet up wif her.. i am happy..

每当我看到妳伤心时...我的心也不知不觉的痛了... 我希望妳的愿望和梦想都能实现..我只想妳开心...能看到妳的笑容...我就满足了...

" 给我妳的爱让我陪着妳去未来... 手拉着手不放开... "

如果有那么一天...我将会是世界上最幸福的人...

hmmm..

Its been a rainy saturday so far.. had breakfast wif yan this morning over at central.. .. i cant recall e last time i have had breakfast wif anyone.. it must be very long ago.. nevetheless, i was glad to meet up wif her.. its been some time since my birthday ya.. i felt kinda strange when i saw her.. somehow, i saw her smiling n i juz smiled too for no reason that i can think of.. i shld say.. its natural reaction.. i can't describe it..but i felt very happy.. it reminded me of those primary school days.. where i would find us smiling at each other for no reason too..

we settled on having macs .. n while queuing up for our meals.. there was this auntie who offered us coupons for breakfast... its kinda wierd.. we ended up rejecting her offer since wat we wanted wasn't on e coupons.. then e uncle cashier was one funny guy who keep asking her questions on wat she wants.. when its my turn.. i mispronounced hotcakes as hotdogs.. tt uncle say.." sorry we dun sell hotdogs.. " i felt kinda paiseh.. n we were laughing over it..

after e meal.. i ended taking 272 wif her... she doesnt seem to mind.. but i told her i wanted to waste some time since i was waiting for a call.. anyway shld cut my story short.. though it was juz a breakfast.. but it was enjoyable..

later in e day.. i visited my dad wif my mum at e hospital.. guess i have been a really bad son.. who doesnt even know wat's wrong wif his dad.. he's much better now.. but will be staying for a couple of days more.. my mum n dad have worked very hard to support our family.. i hope.. i really wan to give them a better live when i finished my uni..

later on, i met up wif my driver frens at PS.. n saw jy n fari + e gang over there.. did nothing over there was a total was of time ba.. n went home shortly.. i saw a minor accident off e zebra crossing.. there was this bike who stopped suddenly in front of e crossings, which resulted in e car behind having to brake suddenly.. after e motor moved.. e vehicle proceed on.. then a taxi behind failed to break n hit e car's backside.. e drivers were safe.. but e taxi's left eye was damaged ( headlights la ).. its hard to judge who's at fault.. but e important lesson to learn is e safety distance between vehicles.. had e cars kept a larger distance.. this incident could have been avoided..

this is probably e 1st time in my life that i saw a car accident rite in front of my eyes.. luckily it was a minor one.. phew..

" Smiles.. "

back..

Wow... Its been nearly one month since my last update.. nth much happened.. except for e different things i have gone thru for my driving course.. managed to finally pass e driving test after going thru alot.. now i am a licenced saf driver.. ha.. i am staying out again... leading a 8-5 life.. as i am approaching e end of my course wif juz 3 more days to go.. i cant help looking back...

its quite amazing that i am actually driving on the public road almost everyday.. i was someone who didnt understand e traffic rules.. enjoys jay walking etc etc... a nuisance to civilian drivers.. now.. i learnt.. controlling a vehicle on e road is not that easy.. it requires concentration and situational thinking.. any misjudgements u made may result in an accident wif e worst taking someone's life.. its important to drive safely and wif confidence..

Met up wif my gang yesterday.. a couple of them will be ORDing soon.. best wishes to them.. n Bs who juz completed his 2 wks confinement in tekong.. wat a difference! As we were chatting thru out e nite.. we came to realise that we lacked something.. a purpose in life.. i guess.. to me, there seems nth worth working for.. wif my life being controlled by e army now.. i felt so empty.. is there anything that i can look forward to whenever i am free ? something i can spend my time on.. something that brings me happiness.. no.. there isn't any..

I need to find a purpose soon.. I cant bear to live my life away.. like someone waiting to die..

Wello..wello wa..

Its been sometime since i last update this blog.. lets see... celebrated my bday wif e gang at NY NY and kboxing last wk.. its been such a long time since we went singing n i kinda enjoyed it.. and her too.. who gave me a little surprise on my bday..i really aprreciate that..

fast forward to yesterday.. went out wif e gang for dinner.. it was a last min one which wl organised.. n i must say it was quite successful.. after that we headed out to e arcade for some games.. seriously, i think i am slowly getting addicted to shooting games.. ha.. e latest Time Crisis 4 was fun but super hard to play.. we cant even pass stage 1 after a couple of tries. hai.. then i rmb this incident.. there was this drumset game and there was 6 different things we have to hit.. so we grouped among ourselves where each one of us would be incharge of hitting one particular thingy.. pye took e stepping thingy n e song we choose start has so many steps to be hit.. n he juz keep stepping.. was really lame... e worse was.. we got ourselves GAME OVER after like 20seconds.. haha.. 6 persons taking a drumset also cannot make it.. ai.. dun know how to say.. but was really a funny sight.

After that, i took them to e Tong Shui Cafe for some drinks.. this place bring back memories... n i was putting some bets for Spurs... well.. didnt caught e whole match but spurs lost.. and my $$$ down e drain.. =(

Looks like we gang's gonna meet up again next sat for some prata session... will we be making a gang shirt? ha.. suddenly i realised that our gang is quite active these days.. meeting up really often.. kinda like those sec sch days.. where we meet almost every saty for bball.. but now we are almost ending our teenage lifes.. getting older.. its amazing that we are still in contact..

As for my driving course.. its getting stressful.. my parking seriously cannot make it.. ha.. but ever since i started driving.. e urge to drive a civilian car becomes stronger.. these days i would find myself looking at cars while on e streets.. am already thinking wat kind of cars i would love to drive.. ha.. but somehow, it still a long way to go... if my dreams comes true.. let's get a MPV together someday..

touched by an angel..

Yesterday was e 2nd time i've book out this week.. and i am so glad to get out of there.. been driving the land rover for the past few days.. and had an accessment yesterday to see if i could be able to drive on e public road next week.. it was a totally horrible driving..i've never driven so badly since i started e lessons... i had difficulties wif gears changing.. nv stop at stop lines.. totally reckless... haha.. and i was scolded by e tester from e beginning to e end.. i deserved it though.. his endless rants doesnt help as i got even more stress.. I dun deserve to pass at all i thought.. at the end of the accessment, he called my trainer.. and i guess he helped me pass as my trainer knows i am quite gan jiong but i can drive.. maybe not really good but at least can make it la..

So.. i am off to e public rd on e coming week.. so happy.. but i really need to improve.. or else i will disappoint not only myself.. but my trainer too... I approached him after e test and apologised.. i felt really bad.. for he was a nice instructor.. never scold me and correct my mistakes along e way.. unlike many unders who fucked their trainees so bad.. He even offered to send me home after e lessons.. I was really touched..

Despite spending juz a few days of stay in.. i felt very shag.. its really tiring to drive having to spend e whole day doing driving , lessons, parking.. non-stop.. next week will be more xiong as there will be no more holidays coming up and it will be 5/1/2 days week for me till i book out.. I wanna pass this course n go back my unit to drive.. I wan e civilian driving licence when i ORD..

And after e book out yesterday.. went for a mahjong session wif Edwin , Ah long at Bk's place.. its been some time since we met.. but we spent more time talking abt army then mahjong.. haha.. they are going to enlist soon wif Edwin going to for e PTP first.. BMT was fun.. probably an experience that a guy will never forget for e rest of his lifes.. after spending some time there, i head out to Bugis Village.. meeting up wif bs and wj, who was looking for a jacket and a shirt.. well.. wj definitely shops faster than me as he manage to get his stuffs in maybe under 1 hours while i spent almost 3 hours looking for a shirt e other time.. haha.. but e jacket was nice..

then.. we went City Hall to meet up wif pie as we are going to watch e fireworks.. Halfway, we saw Chung Yee, who seems very happy to see us.. esp bs.. hahaha.. then wj left for his bday celebrations while bs and me went to meet up wif pie..

Basically e whole place was packed and we had difficulty finding a place to eat.. pie even brought cookies.. but... its not for us lor.. but someone special... finally settled at LJS.. and sprouting lots of nonsense along e way to e marina park.. we spend like 1 hours standing and talking while waiting for e fireworks.. as time passes.. we find ourselves slowly getting more spaced out.. then e fireworks came and it was really impressive.. somehow i wished someone was there to watch it.. doesnt have to be wif me.. but its kinda a pity to miss something so beautiful..

Then we went to meet up wif qiu gui where pie finally gets to give her e cookies wif love... and in return.. she gave him tissue paper and wrappings.. diao.. but i am happy for him as he was so happy e whole day.. haha.. then.. we saw wc and elmina as we headed to city hall.. was really qiao to see so many ppl a day..they are such a cute couple lor.. haha..

It was a great weekend afterall!

national day

guess i am still suffering from e hangover e previous day out wif e gang where we spent e whole nite around town area.. was surprised to see so many ppl coming.. Was glad to have this outing where we saw fireworks which pie was involved in.. We watched My Super Ex Girlfriend.. was a funny show but nth else.. and spent time alot of time in Orchard.. to be honest, someway thru e outing.. i had practically lost interest..

It wasnt tireness but juz that i will most probably miss a chance to chat wif someone over msn.. though it would not be a definite that she will be online..but at least i would have felt better having tried waiting.. but i didnt.. n wif e movies ending late.. i was left wif a last resolt to juz sent an sms asking her abt sat..

I didnt expect much.. and i got e ans i didnt wan..but at least she could have made it if she was free.. yet i still felt disappointments.. i have nothing to look forward to now that e concert has ended.. not even my birthday celebrations.. but i am thankful that bs and wj are trying to celebrate for me.. i enjoy going out wif my gang.. they r e best of ppl to hang out wif..juz a simple dinner can be so fun..

i dun understand y i would feel so happy and then so down again after everytime i met her..I would miss e times spent n wonder when will e next opportunity comes again.. its tough n i would need time to recover again.. Its alway like that..

Its going to be 3 nites in STC before i am back again.. wif nothing on sat.. perhaps i should go for a walk again..till then..


" 你知道吗 ? 走了好远我才能去面对.. 这份牵挂, 沉默伤悲.. "

monday blues

Everything went as planned yesterday.. except for me missing my course today.. will be staying at home and booking in later in the evenings.. i am glad that i finally managed to make it.. n i must admit it was a great concert.. had dinner at carl's jr.. e 20% discount when paid wif nets make e whole meal really worthwhile..i was really worried thru out e whole day until i managed to contact e COS at my camp.. i guess i have been so paranoid that pie and bs must have felt very irritated at my constant rants and negative thots.. i am juz too cautious bros..

While i have decided to get flowers.. i juz couldn't have e courage to buy a bouquet..I've nv brought any flowers for a gal before and i was afraid of wat she might think.. as e saying goes.. " once bitten, twice shy. "

Though i meant it to be a gift to show my appreciation and support for her performance.. but i was scared.. n i was thinking if i could get juz a stalk of flower.. but it must look nice.. i am juz very picky..however, my eyes were fixed on a bouquet of white lilies.. after much considerations n advices from my bros and e shop auntie.. i decided to take that bouquet. i think it looked really beautiful.. n i hope she will like it..

Then pie start dashing to e concert hall as we were running late.. imagine me carry a bouquet of flowers running so fast.. it kinda like those scenes in e dramas.. We made it n so e concert begins.. it was a good experience i guess, e pieces came out well..

I managed to pass her e flowers after e concert..though i was happy to see her.. but somehow, i felt shy..acting cool and stuffs....I guess her friends were surprised when i passed her e flowers.. we left shortly.. though there was a chance to take a photo wif her.. i decided not to.. foolishness? perhaps..

E day ended wif bs and me drinking( soft drinks) and chatting e thru out e nite.. it was a great day overall =)

" i am so happy.. that u r so happy.. "

lalala....

booked out yesterday afternoon.. had lunch wif Bs at plaza then we played arcade to spend time.. been sleepin alot since course starts.. juz very tired.. guess i am still not used to stay in life.. afterall, its been 2 mths of staying out ever since POP. STC bunks are full of mosquitos.. i seen lots of bites on my arms every morning i wake up.. blood donation is very active over there.. haha

e course is quite fun though.. but is juz e ppl there.. haix.. cant stand them.. n since i was going for course alone.. its kinda hard to mix wif e ppl there who came in groups.. anyway, its going to be another short span over there be4 i book out again on National Day eve.. but there will be extra training where probably i will reach my home by 11pm or 9pm.. not sure.. i am not sure e guys are still planning to see e fireworks.. i am not going to organise though.. cos i am pretty tied down now.

i treat my course very seriously.. i wan a driving licence when i ORD.. this is e cheapest method available now.. i am not a rich guy, saving a few thousand dollars could meant being able to use it to pay off some of my future uni school fees..

I am off to see e doc soon.. dun plan to book in tonight.. i hope i dun have to... else its going to take some time before i can recover from my disappointments..

Depeche Mode - Somebody

e lyrics are below.. is that wat everyone is looking for..?

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And wont easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone wholl help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I dont want to be tied
To anyones strings
Im carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when Im asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it

my heart juz sank to e bottom..

after getting e tixs for e concert yesterday.. i received e notification of my driving course this afternoon and my course will commence on e 3rd of August.. I dun know wat to say.. i dun feel like typing further.. my worse fears juz came true.. i dun know wat will happen, but i know i will try means n ways to attend that concert.. even if its at e expense of malingering.. i am juz so disappointed.. after waiting for so long n even have to worry abt how to lie my way thru to attend.. how can i enjoy e concert wif so many worries? but i really hope to attend.. this could be e 1st n only time i'll get to see her performing.. i wan to support her..
army really sucks.. fucked it.. I dun know how to say this to her.. she is not supposed to know my pain..

Pick a place. I'll be there, I promise...

Happy 21th Bday Handy! haha.. celebrated Handy's bday yesterday watching Pirates of Caribbean 2 followed by Fish N Co. Been waiting for part 2 to come out ever since i watch e 1st one 3 years ago.. Capt Jack Sparrow.. haha.. there's juz something abt him which attracts e crowd.. So glad that this latest sequel didn't flatter to deceive and i am definitely going to watch part 3 next year.

Halfway before e show starts.. there was a trailer about this movie The Lake House.. seems very interesting.. 2 person; one living in e future n one living in e past..keeping in contact thru this mailbox by the house and subsequently falling in love.. but one thing.. they've never met before and it seems they can't find a way to meet each other.. actually i was so intrigued by this trailer that i really do plan to catch this show.. cos i wanna know if they will end up meeting each other.. missing someone is skin deep.... But who would wan to watch a romantic love story wif me? haha.. maybe i'll asking e gang..

Dinner at Fish N Co was fantastic.. nice food, great drinks coupled wif live singings.. got a Black Forest Cake for Handy n we sang e Bday song for him with him standing on a chair with sparkles.. so cute.. haha..

We had a couple of pool after dinner n went home after.. Guess, it a nice outing afterall..

Its pretty much decided i am going to get e tixs.. n i was supposed to meet to get e tixs today.. but i ended up leaving late from office..so e meet up was cancelled.. fancy meeting at 6.30 when i am knocking off at 6.20.. haix.. I felt bad for i was e one who wanted to meet up to get e tixs.. n i was e one who couldnt make it in e end.. I hope she is not upset over it.. haix..

1st wk..

Today marks e end of my first week at MTC. Life's here is even more slack as compared to AFC's. My bosses are always not around.. hanging around e whole day at the warrant officer's mass or juz disappear and comes back when knock off time is near. Really wayang.. e only siong part was as i had mentioned before.. getting to my camp.. after doing some researches, i realised in order to arive punctually by 0745, i need to :

1. Wake up by 0540

2. Leave my home by 0613

3. Reach e bus stop opposite Chinatown Point by 0630

4. Take bus 190 which comes around 0631-0637

5. Alight at bus stop beside B.Panjang Plaza

6. 25mins walk to MTC

Haix.. its really crazy..then i realised i can cut down e 25mins walk to 15mins.. provided i took another bus by 0625.. which means waking up even earlier.. maybe i will try that someday.. haha.. today, i almost got my " dead letter "

My boss received notication for driving course.. upon reading e email.. they realised that e person mentioned was not me.. after some double checking.. they concluded that i will have to wait slightly longer.. if tt notification was for me.. i would have to start my course on e 28th of July.. phew.. however, i heard of e driver mentioning that they already know when my course will start.. and its could be on e 1st wk of aug..

e worse thing was, as i mentioned earlier.. e date for e wrong notication indicated a Friday.. which means e course could start on anyday i am only considered free to attend e concert if i am still a lobo on e 4th of Aug which is e Fri of the wk where e concert will start..

haix.. i hope they are juz spectaculating.. I would have been SUPER SUAY if it started on that week after waiting so long for her concert to start... OH MAN.... e earliest i would wan my course to start would be on e 7th of aug.. at least by then.. e concert would have ended.. i guess that's my birthday wish ba.. i just need a little more time as a lobo.. haix..


" 10 more working days to pass.. come on.. "

MTC..

Today's day 2 in my new unit... MTC.. Mindef Transport Coy.. from e name, one can roughly guess that my unit provides transportation to ppl workin in e army la... Saw a couple of new platoon mates.. do drivers have this one kind of style ? cos most of them look rather big sized and bengish in character..but they are very friendly ppl.. very welcoming.. i cant explain this well.. its something which u can only experience..i shall juz put it as they are very sociable.

For e time being, i will be staying out till my driving course starts.. e journey to camp everyday is so troublesome.. its so hard to reach my camp.. but my mates all told me life's really good in MTC.. its could be more siong if i were in other driving unit.. tts perhaps one of e consolation ba..haha..

N yea.. saw Yk followed by Bs at tiong on mon..diao.. so qiao.. n i was also meeting yan on that day..we tried tiong market since she haven been there so a long time..tts when i saw BS wif his family.. eat also nv share wif us ah.. hahaha...

I wanna sing K someday.. but everyone's so busy these days..haix..

i like this song by Tank.. its called : 给我你的爱

等待一点一滴你对我感到安心
感觉朋友关系有了新的默契
便利商店里谁也买不到
我们最想要的东西
只握在喜欢的人手上
给我你的爱让我陪着你去未来
给我你的爱手拉着手不放开
就算宇宙爆炸海水都蒸发
只愿你的记忆里有我的拥抱
我的最大幸褔是发现了我爱你
灵魂有了意义用每一天珍惜
便利商店里谁也买不到
我们最想要的东西
只握在喜欢的人手上
给我你的爱让我陪着你去未来
给我你的爱手拉着手不放开
就算宇宙爆炸海水都蒸发
只愿你的记忆里有我的拥抱
雨和天空也有相爱的可能
望着你的微笑情不自禁
给我你的爱让我陪着你去未来
给我你的爱手拉着手不放开
就算地球毁灭来不及流泪
只愿你的记忆里有我的拥抱

if...

Went out wif wj and don on sat to PS.. spent e day walking around n ended up playing CS.. its been some time since we guys played.. and we got owned by bots too...its quite amazing as we used to own them instead..haha..well i realised..e teenagers now and my generation then belongs to 2 dif worlds... e things they do, they way they protrait as a whole..its totally different.. they get exposed to more stuffs.. perhaps due to e rapid development in technology..

As i am approaching my 20 soon, i do wonder if i am still consider as a teenager? e transition from teenage lifes to adulthood is juz starting.. or perhaps it has started long ago.. how do one define maturity? i guess.. its still early for me to understand..

I realised.. i still lacks confidence.. though i try to protrait as though i am a happy person who loves his life..but deep down, i felt hollow.. i am not exactly knowledgable..clever or even charismatic..my flaws overwhelmed my strengths..perhaps i have no strengths at all.. i doubted i have achieved anything significant in my 20 years of life.. I am a sensitive person who minds how ppl see me as a whole..I need assurance.. i am juz so insecured.. ppl who are confident would nv think of these..

I am always searching for motivation.. as i think it gives e strength to overcome any difficulties encountered when i am reaching my goals.. however these days i started wondering.. motivation is perhaps juz a booster.. giving a headstart to reach for your goals..even when one has motivation but he does not spend any efforts to achieve his goals.. he still ends up failing in the end... to achieve something whether one like it or anot....its still boils down to a person's effort in making it a success...

E walk home from parklane juz shagged me out.. i felt my knees giving off.. i am feeling sick now.. fatigue.. yea.. I hope i would recover soon..e constant travelling and walking has definitely taken a toll on me... its time i stopped whinning about being lonely n spend my days wasting time..

Tomorrow is e start of my life in a new unit.. this time round.. i have to make it..

" Why make yourself unhappy when you know you can be happy? "

Posting Blues

I got my posting as a driver today and would be reporting to my new unit on next mon.. this is probably my last stay out week.. no doubt i will certainly miss this kind of life.. but i guess all good things must come to an end. haha.. I am not particularly delighted that i got posted as a driver.. surely, this is a technical vocation.. i will be learning skills on how to control and maneuver vehicles, knowing the road signs etc etc.. but i find it meaningless to be driving people and stores around for two years.. NS is so meaningless now.. haix..

Driving.. i had wanted to learn it during my NS lifes.. but little would i know that it would be wat i learn when serving my time in SAF.. perhaps i am lucky.. for learning driving is not cheap.. Guess, i cant learn wif BS now.. but should nothing goes wrong.. We would get our driving licence someday right?

For the past few days.. i have been thinking...n flashes of those past memories just came up.. I remembered my poly days where i am always late for the first lesson.. and how my clique frequents the Jap food and Mee store in FC1.. those period of time where we were practically watching one movie every week when doing our FYP at NTU.. I miss that life.. though i must honestly say, the friends i made in poly aren't that close with my gang that i met in secondary school.. but i do miss those poly days too.. I guess its the life...freedom..

And my gang of friends..i miss them too.. haha.. but i must say we still meet up quite frequently..I cant imagine life without them..I love the days we spent outside makaning.. ordering food and sharing them..tok kok and laugh around.. and so much more..

"Though, they were juz small gestures.. but i was touched..My wish didnt came true...now it all depends on how e course will be.. I am disappointed.. i juz hope i can make it that nite..out of e sudden, my free time juz vanished... will i get to see you soon again?"

Someday..

Once again..e weekends are here again... spent e fri meeting up wif fred,pye,wl and yk at tiong.. I was late.. haha.. all becos of that sgt-who-act-like-bigf***-.. we ate at mac.. later, we took a walk at e pasar malam but it was disappointing however as there was nothing much to see...yk left afterwards and we decided to catch a movie.. but nothing to watch also!! y is sg so boring these days.. nth to do.. nth to see.. nth... ? or maybe cos tbp is a neighbourhood shopping mall.. so theres nth much to do too..

so in e end..we settle at Kopitiam and tok kok, slurping at ice kacangs...I realised, ever since NS become part of my life.. there's always a common topic among us guys.. haha.. army lives..
sometimes when taking cabby, e driver would share his army lifes with me.. ya.. i know e older generations has endured a hell lot more than us now..and i respect wat u all have done.

The lifeguards got their postings today.. while e OOTs are still stucked in PLC.. congrats to e lifeguards.. fu**ed off and dun stay here and create trouble for us.. I dun wan to mention wat they've done.. but us, OOTs are e ppl suffering from their childish and nonsensical behaviours..

wJ juz called.. yea.. meeting him later to pass him his tickets.. hmm.. 2 tickets.. bro, endure.. every wk pass means one step closer to completing e course.. am sure u can make it de.. as for e rest of e days.. i would be probably slacking.. i need to find something to do..else.. everyday would be like in PLC.. damn meaningless.. e worst is having to spend it doing nothing.. not.. its not that i dun wan to do anything.. but theres nth for me to do.. 5 days a week.. 9+ hours a day..

"I am not worried about my posting.. for i know.. i wouldnt be staying as a lobo for 2 years.. yet, staying as one is e safest chance for me to be free on that particular night.. i really hope to go..juz one more month at PLC.. and its enough for me.."

Graduation

Today is graduation day!! yay.. invited pie over to watch cos got chio bu ma.. ya.. but really thanks him sia.. if not very sian also.. its nice to see my course mates after so long.. many of them has started their ns lifes.. but its still a long way to go.. but all e best guys!

Don came later.. and took some nice pics wif pie's cam.. e presentation was damn long.. waited very long before finally got to collect my certy.. GESS principal Mr. Ngiam came and ended up meeting him at the VIP reception where we took a couple of pics.. diao.. felt rather honoured cos that award is really not big deal or wat one ba...Actually, I don't know him at all... e principal during my sec sch lives was Mr. Goh..diao..

Had lunch at Swensen's.. Fish & Chips.. lol.. think its very nice la.. dun know wat else to eat also.. Later went to watch Superman Returns wif pye, ben, long, wc and edwin.. not too bad but rather predictable ending.. Superman is damn fit and he looks good sia... think i sound gay.. but really he's handsome..

Night came and we went to cine to find Hoong Sheng.. e hotdog seller.. haha.. not bad sia... he's looking damn cool these days and i brought one black pepper hotdog from him.. haha.. and dinner's at food republic.. lots of food to choose sia..

Here at some pics taken during e ceremony..


- My Course Mates -


- Bros - Mr. Don , 2SG Pye , Me


dsdsdsdddsdsdsdsdssds- Me , Ailing ( course mate ) -

a simple reflection

Just got back from camp... haix.. think i am going to fall sick soon.. so dizzy and lethargic now.. I almost fall into e drain this morning while walking to guardroom.. haha.. anyway, today e warrants officers wanted to see us OOTs swim again.. now, they are lacking lifeguards and they wanna give us another chance.. sadly, they realised that we juz couldn't make it.. but suggested we joined e PTIs where hopefully our swimming would improve and when the next course starts, they would do e selection again... else.. its goodbye to AFC..

Swimming with PTIs would be complete madness! but guess i'll juz go whenever possible then.. better than slacking in e store.. However, e chances of passing e selection will not be high.. i know it.. cos i am e person who is swimming.. i know my standard...

Guess, i will be stucked in AFC for probably another 2 weeks.. or even 1 mth.. sianz.. and Mr. Haril today reminded us to clear that one day off CO has given us for helping out in e shifting.. so far, we guys has decided to take it on next Mon.. another free day.. its rather pointless since i am doing nothing in camp too... but at least, i can spend that day more wisely.. perhaps.. a trip to e library?

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寂寞习惯 变成自然
我走在大街上 整夜车灯辉煌
只剩思念 忽明忽暗
不再那么喧嚷 却不代表已释放
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Hello~

wOw..its been ages since i wrote something.. to anyone reading this, welcome to my blog! haha.. its my 1st post here.. life's been pretty slack ever since POP. Got posted as a SAF Lifeguard but OOT on e 1st day cos i failed e selection. Its dumb, really... and ever since I've been reporting back to camp daily and doing sai kang for the ppl.

In case, u wonder wat is sai kang ? well.. its basically " shit job" when translated.. yar.. helping out in carrying and moving stuffs, doing admin works etc etc.. My unit is undergoing a shifting of HQ.. and there were loads of stuffs to be moved around.. Fancy spending e whole day shifting the cardboards, tables and chairs up and down the buliding..yes! And its been so for e past 2 weeks..

Well, there are five of us OOT .. at least its not too bad when u have companions rite? haha.. but i wondered when will this last.. how long will we get our reposting.. for i dread the days spent in camp doing sai kang or slacking.. to run down the clock.. yet at e same time.. its not too bad too.. booking out everyday.. no tekaning.. no one to care abt u..

As for now, everyday spent in AFC could well be my last day.. yet i hope i will stay till after National Day.. so that i can make it to...